Seeking simplicity

While the rest of the Catholic world is tuning into World Youth Day, those of us who do not have cable are left to "keep watch and pray." Tonight, more reflections on Fr. Solanus. This amazing man, a Capuchin Friar, was ordained a "simplex priest," unable to hear confessions or give formal sermons. He was no simple man--a farmboy, born of Irish immigrant parents, he simply could not master the Latin and German that was required at the seminary at the time. Nevertheless, he had, apparently, complete acceptance of his superiors' decision to withold some of his priestly faculties.

Fr. Groeschel, who knew Fr. Solanus when Fr. Groeschel was a novice in New York, says that the seminary time was Fr. Solanus' dark night. His will to be entirely in God's will was unwavering. So, in this way, Fr. Solanus was certainly "simplex"--his soul was simple, that is, uncluttered, with his own will.

Tonight, after watching a video and reflecting on my visit to the center, I find myself surprised at my own will. When I think of totally abandoning myself to Him--saying, with Fr. Solanus, that my will is His--I feel my soul shrink back. What a great step, to truly trust God that everything that comes from His hand is truly good, MY good.

In my life, there is so much of me--my decisions, my needs, my wants. Even in the midst of my children, I still can assert my will with such ferocity--proof that a large family is in itself not enough for holiness. For there is this other thing, the total trust.

It is a curious thing: that I must not only trust Him, but that trust itself can only be based on Love. I start to imagine that if I give myself away it would mean that I will end up like Mother Teresa, in a forty year dark night. But, in fact, to take that leap, I need to have the conviction that even if I end up in the dark night, still His love is there...