The matter with me
"Is 36 too young to be going through mid-life crisis?" I asked my friend Denise.
"No," she answered.
I asked my husband the same thing. "I thought women didn't go through mid-life crisis," he replied.
Well, I think I am going through it all the same. What else accounts for my propensity of late to weep every time I see a ballet dancer in her prime? Last night it was the beautiful Darcey Bussell, star of the Royal Ballet and star of my daughter's DK Ballet book. I quit my intense ballet training at the age of sixteen because I wanted a social life.
But, really, with six children, didn't I realize long ago that I wasn't going to be a ballet star? How long does it take one to be at peace with one's stretch marks? Apparently longer than this.
There is no doubt--it is written on my flesh: I have lived for an Other--six Others.
And isn't this the destination of all flesh: to be "for" an "Other"? There is today's feast day to make it clear: the sinless flesh of the virgin girl who never wanted to be anything else but "for an Other,"--her body alone stands as a testimony to the truth. Mary's body. For the rest of us, our flesh groans, awaiting fulfillment....
"No," she answered.
I asked my husband the same thing. "I thought women didn't go through mid-life crisis," he replied.
Well, I think I am going through it all the same. What else accounts for my propensity of late to weep every time I see a ballet dancer in her prime? Last night it was the beautiful Darcey Bussell, star of the Royal Ballet and star of my daughter's DK Ballet book. I quit my intense ballet training at the age of sixteen because I wanted a social life.
But, really, with six children, didn't I realize long ago that I wasn't going to be a ballet star? How long does it take one to be at peace with one's stretch marks? Apparently longer than this.
There is no doubt--it is written on my flesh: I have lived for an Other--six Others.
And isn't this the destination of all flesh: to be "for" an "Other"? There is today's feast day to make it clear: the sinless flesh of the virgin girl who never wanted to be anything else but "for an Other,"--her body alone stands as a testimony to the truth. Mary's body. For the rest of us, our flesh groans, awaiting fulfillment....
posted by Mark Thomas at 10:05 PM
5 Comments:
I remember my mother(nine children) doing the splits long into her 40's just to show herself that she "could have done" something besides be for the "others" in her life, as you say.
It is hard to be of the flesh, that is our cross. Take up your cross, pointe your toes and carry on.
nice blog.
Angelmeg, you've got a nice little blog yourself!
Lisa, you can't have a midlife crises! You are in your prime with 2/3 of your life ahead of you! Whenever I see you and your family at church, you seem so happy.
I do understand what you mean about living for others. Our generation right now is truly being pulled in all directions: our parents are aging and/or dying, and our children area at demanding ages. And homeschooling on top of it all!
The key is to find time to pray and to refresh yourself. Have you had the chance to go to the new chapel yet? I haven't committed to a weekly time but do go there when I can. It is wonderful to help the midlife crises feelings.
Donna, thank you for the encouragement!! I have been going to the chapel. It has really been a help. I actually find that, now that I have been going to adoration weekly for a few months, some of my concerns are starting to resolve themselves. God works on a deep level.
I just happened to have a quick flash that you and other mothers like you are living out the 'royal priesthood' - lots of kids, homeschooling and sacrificing yourself for others in the quiet way that you all do it. I know you will reap much more than what you think you are sowing...
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